For the first time in our three year long relationship the Boyfriend and I talked about our fantasies. It shows how close we have become that he asked me this because I had been thinking just before he mentioned it that I was going to ask him. This meant that when he did I had a nice answer and I'm really hoping that some time soon he is going to surprise me with some ropes and chains.
His answer was only to be expected I suppose. His ultimate fantasy is a threesome. Now why am I not surprised! I don't know what to make of this. We have been together for quite a long time and love each other to pieces, I know I could never ever see him with another girl even if I was involved too. And who would we chose to get involved? I certainly couldn't have a threesome with any girl that I know, imagine the embarrassment afterwards! I can see a couple of months of avoiding each other and stilted conversations and then losing that friendship forever Similarly, I couldn't bear knowing a girl who helped make one of my boyfriends greatest fantasies come true could be his friend afterwards. How could he ever not look at her and imagine her naked? And if I have allowed him to sleep with her once why not again, only this time without me and in secret?
Ultimately I think that a threesome would eventually end our relationship and while I am ore than happy to let him film our next session the threesome is one fantasy that I refuse to indulge him in. Surely it would be better left as just that anyway, could the reality ever be as good as his imagination makes it?
Don't get me wrong though, it isn't something I am completely dismissing. The idea certainly intrigues me. Its just not something I want to do with someone I love.
Sunday, 24 May 2009
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
The selfish friend
I have quite a large close-knit group of friends at university. An almost 50/50 mixture of boys and girls, we all lived together last year in a block of 26 and now everyone except me (I am at home to save money) are living in 3 houses which are all on the same road. I spend as much time as I possibly can at their houses when I am not with the Boyfriend. Although home is great for nice meals, long relaxing baths and the general warmth you don't get in student houses I am a sociable person and really hate spending the night in my own bed alone. Within the group there are two couples and there have been a few nights of passion between others. None of which involved me.
My best friend at uni is Ellie. She is wonderfully funny, beautiful and always manages to have fun. But she is one of the most insecure people I have ever met. I personally blame her parents, he father has recently told her she should only be eating 800 calories a day because he was ashamed to introduce her to his friends! I should add her that she is definitely not fat, maybe ever so slightly overweight but its hardly noticeable. The only way Ellie can ever feel good about herself is by getting with guys, kissing is OK but if she can sleep with them she will. Because of this she has been called a slag many a time and it doesn't even work. As soon as they fail to text the next day she is miserable again.
Recently she has had a big thing for our friend Chris and over the summer and up until after Christmas they had a sort of 'thing' where they would sleep together in secret. It was totally messed up, she is in love with him and he never realised and just wanted a quick shag. Nobody could say anything to him because we had been sworn to secrecy by Ellie. Eventually in some big scenes it all came out and it is pretty much in the past now.
Me and Chris are quite close, I like being with him because I think he brings out the funny side in me and we can have a good banter. But recently some fool in our group (I don't know who) has told Ellie that they think Chris likes me. Although ever so secretly I sometimes wonder if this could be true I have absolutely no feelings for him at all. The problem is now Ellie sees this all the time, if I turn up and Chris is there she goes quiet and moody and if she sees me chatting with him she insists I am flirting with him. This only usually happens when she is drunk but I can see it there all the time. Now he has asked me to go for a drink at the student union with him after our last exam. It is very very definitely only friendly but I almost said no because I knew it would upset her. In the end I agreed but invited a few other friends along too, just to make sure.
I love her to pieces but I'm just not sure that I can keep refusing to go out or trying not to talk to people I like because of Ellie's insecurity's. I am aware that this seems quite selfish but I have to pander to her all the time and I am getting slightly fed up of it.
My best friend at uni is Ellie. She is wonderfully funny, beautiful and always manages to have fun. But she is one of the most insecure people I have ever met. I personally blame her parents, he father has recently told her she should only be eating 800 calories a day because he was ashamed to introduce her to his friends! I should add her that she is definitely not fat, maybe ever so slightly overweight but its hardly noticeable. The only way Ellie can ever feel good about herself is by getting with guys, kissing is OK but if she can sleep with them she will. Because of this she has been called a slag many a time and it doesn't even work. As soon as they fail to text the next day she is miserable again.
Recently she has had a big thing for our friend Chris and over the summer and up until after Christmas they had a sort of 'thing' where they would sleep together in secret. It was totally messed up, she is in love with him and he never realised and just wanted a quick shag. Nobody could say anything to him because we had been sworn to secrecy by Ellie. Eventually in some big scenes it all came out and it is pretty much in the past now.
Me and Chris are quite close, I like being with him because I think he brings out the funny side in me and we can have a good banter. But recently some fool in our group (I don't know who) has told Ellie that they think Chris likes me. Although ever so secretly I sometimes wonder if this could be true I have absolutely no feelings for him at all. The problem is now Ellie sees this all the time, if I turn up and Chris is there she goes quiet and moody and if she sees me chatting with him she insists I am flirting with him. This only usually happens when she is drunk but I can see it there all the time. Now he has asked me to go for a drink at the student union with him after our last exam. It is very very definitely only friendly but I almost said no because I knew it would upset her. In the end I agreed but invited a few other friends along too, just to make sure.
I love her to pieces but I'm just not sure that I can keep refusing to go out or trying not to talk to people I like because of Ellie's insecurity's. I am aware that this seems quite selfish but I have to pander to her all the time and I am getting slightly fed up of it.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
My first Wednesday Weirdness
1.) What are your least favorite sounds?
Nails on a blackboard, it actually makes my teeth ache!
2.) Do you enjoy reading infidelity blogs? Why? If you don't, is there any reason why you don't?
Well I kind of write one so I would have to say yes. And even if I didn't the answer is still yes. Life is so muhc more exciting when it's naughty!
3.) If you could make one frivolous purchase right now without expense being an option, what one thing would you go buy?
I really really need a new car because mine is breaking down every week! If money was really no problem it would have to be something really expensive and gorgeous. I would love everyone to be looking at my car, as long as I was behind tinted windows.
4.) Have you ever gotten drunk and then gotten behind the wheel to drive?
My friend lost his licence for a year so I wouldn't be that stupid. Although I probably have been over the limit several times the morning after a very late night without realising.
5.) As an adult, have you ever been caught having sex by someone you didn't ever want to catch you in the act?
No, Thank God. Although my younger sister did walk into my bedroom while the Boss (who is also her boss) was asleep in bed with me.
6.) If your current significant other wound up in jail for no less than 5 years but didn't kill or physically harm anyone, would you wait for them or move on?
Can i wait but cheat? Of course I can, I do it anyway!
7.) If you had to participate, would you rather be in a mud wrestling competition or a JellO wrestling competition?
Mud.
Nails on a blackboard, it actually makes my teeth ache!
2.) Do you enjoy reading infidelity blogs? Why? If you don't, is there any reason why you don't?
Well I kind of write one so I would have to say yes. And even if I didn't the answer is still yes. Life is so muhc more exciting when it's naughty!
3.) If you could make one frivolous purchase right now without expense being an option, what one thing would you go buy?
I really really need a new car because mine is breaking down every week! If money was really no problem it would have to be something really expensive and gorgeous. I would love everyone to be looking at my car, as long as I was behind tinted windows.
4.) Have you ever gotten drunk and then gotten behind the wheel to drive?
My friend lost his licence for a year so I wouldn't be that stupid. Although I probably have been over the limit several times the morning after a very late night without realising.
5.) As an adult, have you ever been caught having sex by someone you didn't ever want to catch you in the act?
No, Thank God. Although my younger sister did walk into my bedroom while the Boss (who is also her boss) was asleep in bed with me.
6.) If your current significant other wound up in jail for no less than 5 years but didn't kill or physically harm anyone, would you wait for them or move on?
Can i wait but cheat? Of course I can, I do it anyway!
7.) If you had to participate, would you rather be in a mud wrestling competition or a JellO wrestling competition?
Mud.
My sexy boyfriend
I discovered this week just how much a small change in your mindset can affect your sex life... In the past couple of years although we have had what i would call a healthy amount of sex for a young couple, maybe 3 or 4 times a week, I haven't often really been in the mood. It's like I decided that the Boyfriend was there for love and company and the Boss was there to be my fantasy and, sometimes, my reality.
Recently though I have given myself completely to the Boyfriend and we have been having a more active and exciting sex life than ever. I never realised before just how amazing he really is in bed (& the car, kitchen, shower, etc) and in just a few short days we have done some things I have never done before.
One of these things was anal sex. The thought of this had always turned me on but I have tried it twice before, with the boyfriend and an ex-shag, and had to stop because of the pain. Managed it on Monday night though and although I would definitely limit it to a once in a while activity I will also definitely do it again. The Boyfriend has also taken to lightly spanking me while he takes me from behind and I have found out that he absolutely adores watching me bring myself to orgasm. Also, one of the sexiest things I could ever do for him is lick and suck his fingers when they have just been inside me.
It's amazing that this big change in our sex life can also cause our whole relationship to be completely revitalised. We have been having the best time together, I am so glad I know that all it takes to make him so completely happy is showing him how much I want him. Turns out this relationship malarkey is easy! I am sorry if this is not quite as juicy as previous posts and a little too cheesy, but hopefully I put enough smutty details in there too keep you happy.
Recently though I have given myself completely to the Boyfriend and we have been having a more active and exciting sex life than ever. I never realised before just how amazing he really is in bed (& the car, kitchen, shower, etc) and in just a few short days we have done some things I have never done before.
One of these things was anal sex. The thought of this had always turned me on but I have tried it twice before, with the boyfriend and an ex-shag, and had to stop because of the pain. Managed it on Monday night though and although I would definitely limit it to a once in a while activity I will also definitely do it again. The Boyfriend has also taken to lightly spanking me while he takes me from behind and I have found out that he absolutely adores watching me bring myself to orgasm. Also, one of the sexiest things I could ever do for him is lick and suck his fingers when they have just been inside me.
It's amazing that this big change in our sex life can also cause our whole relationship to be completely revitalised. We have been having the best time together, I am so glad I know that all it takes to make him so completely happy is showing him how much I want him. Turns out this relationship malarkey is easy! I am sorry if this is not quite as juicy as previous posts and a little too cheesy, but hopefully I put enough smutty details in there too keep you happy.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Boys or Girls?
I often wonder what exactly my sexuality is. I know I like men. A lot. I like to flirt with them, kiss them, and do very very kinky things with them as often as possible. But I don't like looking at them, I almost never look at a guy and think he is attractive. My Boyfriend is hot, I know he is, especially because he is an amazing man with the most gorgeous cuddly skin. The Boss is hot. He must be, girls come on to him all the time, everywhere. And he is a huge flirt, which is enough to make me think he is attractive. Johnny Depp is very hot, because he has the most gorgeous cheek bones and is a brilliant actor who takes work because he loves it not for money and exposure. And here is my secret and very weird man crush, Alan Rickman is hot because of his voice, which is the sexiest thing I've ever heard.
Now, that's about the extent of the men I think are particularly hot. Apart from several of my male friends who are gorgeous, but I never noticed how good looking they are until we had become best friends.
Get me onto the girls and it's a completely different story. My list would go on and on and on. Jennifer Aniston, Blake Lively, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Hayden Pantierre, Cheryl Cole...I could go on forever. Its not just celebrities whose airbrushed pictures are everywhere but everywhere I go I notice how girls look, particularly their legs and asses. Part of it is jealousy, I know this. I have a nice figure, although I could do with loosing a few pounds, but I would kill for the legs of many of the girls I see on nights out. But its also appreciative. I have had a couple of sneaky kisses with girls in the past but I certainly don't think I am a lesbian.
I sometimes feel really weird about the fact I just don't seem to find men attractive though, when all my friends are noticing the guys in the club or in a film I am watching the pretty girls. I'm not really fussed because I know that when I know a guy I will always think he is attractive, but i just wonder if anybody else feels this way and if I will ever stop looking at every girl I see to compare her boobs, face and legs to mine. Because I will never be as confident as I want to be unless I stop obsessing about everybody else.
Now, that's about the extent of the men I think are particularly hot. Apart from several of my male friends who are gorgeous, but I never noticed how good looking they are until we had become best friends.
Get me onto the girls and it's a completely different story. My list would go on and on and on. Jennifer Aniston, Blake Lively, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Hayden Pantierre, Cheryl Cole...I could go on forever. Its not just celebrities whose airbrushed pictures are everywhere but everywhere I go I notice how girls look, particularly their legs and asses. Part of it is jealousy, I know this. I have a nice figure, although I could do with loosing a few pounds, but I would kill for the legs of many of the girls I see on nights out. But its also appreciative. I have had a couple of sneaky kisses with girls in the past but I certainly don't think I am a lesbian.
I sometimes feel really weird about the fact I just don't seem to find men attractive though, when all my friends are noticing the guys in the club or in a film I am watching the pretty girls. I'm not really fussed because I know that when I know a guy I will always think he is attractive, but i just wonder if anybody else feels this way and if I will ever stop looking at every girl I see to compare her boobs, face and legs to mine. Because I will never be as confident as I want to be unless I stop obsessing about everybody else.
Feelings?
Weird things happened with the Boss last night. The night was going really well and I was having more fun than usual. The Boss was making his usualy cheeky comments and we had a couple of dances which involved some lingering glances and wandering hands but nothing more. Then later in the takeaway, for reasons unknown even to me, I decided to tell him that I had slept with the Boyfriend after our naughty taxi ride the other week. I was taken completely by suprise when he just walked away and got into a taxi without saying anything else to me. When I got back to my friends house he text me asking if I was home ok and i replied to see what was wrong. In the following texts he told me that he hated it when he saw me flirting or kissing other guys and that the thought of the Boyfriend touching my body bothered him more than he thought possible. He then went on to say that there is something between us that we can both feel. It was nothing like the usual flirty texts and neither of us were particularly drunk. Now I'm more confused than ever, I really like him, as I'm sure you know by now but I do love the Boyfriend. And to make matters worse his girlfriend is pregnant, although she is having an abortion.
Is it just complete stupidity to continue in this weird situation? I'm happy though, it's exciting and dangerous and there is nothing I love more than those two things.
Is it just complete stupidity to continue in this weird situation? I'm happy though, it's exciting and dangerous and there is nothing I love more than those two things.
Friday, 1 May 2009
Bored with life
I have started this post many times recently but there's just not a huge amount going on in my life right now. Things are going pretty good with the Boyfriend at the moment and apart from a few cheeky texts and a small incident in the back of a taxi nothing new has happened with the Boss. Now it's exam time and I'm busy revising and writing essays so I haven't had much time to go out and do bad things recently anyway. It's Getting a bit boring really, I'm having to content myself with fantasising. And they have been some pretty active fantasy's.
I will get to writing some of them down soon, hopefully I will manage to make some of them come true soon enough and relieve some of this boredom and the pressure of uni.
I will get to writing some of them down soon, hopefully I will manage to make some of them come true soon enough and relieve some of this boredom and the pressure of uni.
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