On Saturday night I went to the local club, which is by any ones standards a bit of a dive but as its the only one in town everyone goes there. This means that even though it's an overpriced, disgusting, hot, smelly excuse for a club there is usually a lot of people there that I know which can make it one of the best places for a night out, especially over the holidays when everyone is back from uni. This Saturday I was out with The Boss, his girlfriend and another friend and wasn't having the best night until I bumped into some guys that I went to school with. We were all quite close in school but have drifted over the years so that I hadn't spoken to any of them in at least a year, one of these guys was Stu and meeting him brought back some memories I have to share.
When we were in school Stu had a major crush on me, he was possibly even in love with me. This lasted for over two years and the whole time we were very close friends and spent a lot of time together. Many times over these years I kissed him and eventually we started going further, just after we left school I slept with him. It only happened on the one day although several times. Before this Stu had been a virgin (he was my second). I was never physically attracted to Stu and don't really know why I did what I did but it has got to be one of the most selfish things I have ever done. Instead of letting him move on with his life I kept stringing him along, all the while also getting with other guys including some of is friends.
He later fell for one of my friends and they were together for over two years, they have recently split up though and after Saturday night he has been texting me quite often and was trying to get me to go round to stay at his on Monday night. Obviously I told him no, I have a boyfriend and truth be told, even know when he is actually quite hot I'm still not in the slightest bit attracted to him. But I want to try and make up for how horrible I was to him in some way.
I am actually tempted to just delete this and not post it, because more than the cheating and the lying it makes me feel like such a bitch. But I will, because the point of this blog is to tell the truth about myself and to delete this now would be to lie.
Friday, 26 June 2009
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
His Crazy Girlfriend
It turns out the Boss's girlfriend, although one of my close friends (as much as I can call her that) is completely mental. I mean totally crazy!
On Monday night she was understandably annoyed that we had gone out without inviting her, which was the Boss's idea not mine. While arguing with him over text she revealed that ages ago, maybe as much as 3 or 4 months back, she had read messages on his phone between the two of us which made it obvious that we had slept together again. She kept it quite for all this time and was completely normal with both of us. Even talking to me about any troubles they wee having and her fears about our other friend he has been with. After it came out she knew she text me asking about it but after just a couple of texts she told me she just wanted to forget about it and things to go back to normal! Then later she asked me to go to the cinema with her tonight, even offering to pay when I said I have no money!
That's not normal behaviour, right? She must be the most insecure and possibly lonely person I've ever met. I feel unbelievably sorry for her and its definitely made me even more completely against getting with the Boss as I was the the last post. I have no idea how to react around her now, I'm spending the night home alone rather than go to the cinema with her because however normal she has been with me since she found out I really can't. I know that this is the perfect scenario for me really and I also know her well enough to know its for real and not some elaborate plan to get me back. But I also know she will always hate me a little bit, as she should, so I don't think I can possibly continue our friendship as before. I am totally disgusted at myself for upsetting her so much and hopefully this blog will now be a Boss free zone...
On Monday night she was understandably annoyed that we had gone out without inviting her, which was the Boss's idea not mine. While arguing with him over text she revealed that ages ago, maybe as much as 3 or 4 months back, she had read messages on his phone between the two of us which made it obvious that we had slept together again. She kept it quite for all this time and was completely normal with both of us. Even talking to me about any troubles they wee having and her fears about our other friend he has been with. After it came out she knew she text me asking about it but after just a couple of texts she told me she just wanted to forget about it and things to go back to normal! Then later she asked me to go to the cinema with her tonight, even offering to pay when I said I have no money!
That's not normal behaviour, right? She must be the most insecure and possibly lonely person I've ever met. I feel unbelievably sorry for her and its definitely made me even more completely against getting with the Boss as I was the the last post. I have no idea how to react around her now, I'm spending the night home alone rather than go to the cinema with her because however normal she has been with me since she found out I really can't. I know that this is the perfect scenario for me really and I also know her well enough to know its for real and not some elaborate plan to get me back. But I also know she will always hate me a little bit, as she should, so I don't think I can possibly continue our friendship as before. I am totally disgusted at myself for upsetting her so much and hopefully this blog will now be a Boss free zone...
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
I Hate Him.
Night out last night with just The Boss and a mutual male friend and I have to be honest, I was pretty much expecting something to happen the second we decided to go out after a horrible night at work. He was being really flirty the whole night and had had an argument with his girlfriend which meant he didn't give a shit. But nothing did happen. instead, he spent half the night kissing a random girl he pulled in front of me while our other mate had disappeared, leaving me on my own which really pissed me off and I have to admit upset me a little. But the real kick in the teeth was when we left the club he text me saying:
'Sex?'
That was it.
No come on in any way, no more flirting. Literally he left one girl whose number he had taken and who he was texting and asked me in just one word to fuck him. Obviously the answer was no. I told him to fuck off. I have never been so pissed off in all my life. He rang me this morning and was laughing about it, telling me I was just jealous. Why doesn't he understand it has nothing to do with that and more to do with feeling used and like a piece of meat just there for when he can't find someone else. I really hate him.
'Sex?'
That was it.
No come on in any way, no more flirting. Literally he left one girl whose number he had taken and who he was texting and asked me in just one word to fuck him. Obviously the answer was no. I told him to fuck off. I have never been so pissed off in all my life. He rang me this morning and was laughing about it, telling me I was just jealous. Why doesn't he understand it has nothing to do with that and more to do with feeling used and like a piece of meat just there for when he can't find someone else. I really hate him.
Friday, 12 June 2009
A Party with The Boss
So the whole keeping away from The Boss thing may have been slightly ruined I'm not really sure how I came out of it to be honest. Maybe I will understand more when I've written the story down.
My friend from work, Irish, had a spur of the moment party in her halls because most people from there have now gone home. The Boss was there but that didn't really mean anything at first. It used to be that if The Boss and I were going to be drinking together and his girlfriend wouldn't be there I would expect something to happen, but I've stopped thinking like that recently. There was lots of vodka and drinking games and we were having a great time. Then The Boss mistakenly thought he saw me kiss another friend, Stigg and I overheard him telling him that seen as he had kissed me, which his girlfriend would dump him for, he may as well fuck me too and be dumped for really doing something. I was a bit indignant at that! For one I hadn't even kissed him and for another who is The Boss to talk someone into sleeping with me when I didn't even want to! Then I overheard Stigg, who I have got with in the past and who always tries something on when he is drunk telling The Boss that he doesn't want to cheat but that its always me, to which the Boss replied that he knew exactly what he meant and that there's 'something about me', I also heard him say that I was definitely worth the risk. I just don't get it! I'm not sure how to take the comments or why he was telling someone to sleep with me.
Later when we were all crammed into Irish's room trying to sleep Stigg curled up next to me and kept trying it on, The Boss was making jokes about us and I was getting pretty annoyed. So I text him telling him he was a twat. His reply was that he was just trying to hide his jealousy and so I told him there was nothing to be jealous of, his reply was a shock,
"All I want to do right now is take you away somewhere and fuck you, whether there is something to be jealous of or not"
It was so hard to resist him after that, but miraculously I did! He knew I wanted to go along with his suggestion we slyly leave but I told him we would both regret it too much the next day. Its the first time I've resisted him, maybe because we were both pretty much sober or because I am actually managing to restrain myself now. Which ever I feel pretty good today both because I resisted and because I feel pretty hot as well when two guys are after me like that. I'm not sure how long I can actually resist The Boss for though, I'm going to need to spend more time with the Boyfriend and less with The Boss to make sure I don't go back to the messy life I had before, however much I want to right now.
My friend from work, Irish, had a spur of the moment party in her halls because most people from there have now gone home. The Boss was there but that didn't really mean anything at first. It used to be that if The Boss and I were going to be drinking together and his girlfriend wouldn't be there I would expect something to happen, but I've stopped thinking like that recently. There was lots of vodka and drinking games and we were having a great time. Then The Boss mistakenly thought he saw me kiss another friend, Stigg and I overheard him telling him that seen as he had kissed me, which his girlfriend would dump him for, he may as well fuck me too and be dumped for really doing something. I was a bit indignant at that! For one I hadn't even kissed him and for another who is The Boss to talk someone into sleeping with me when I didn't even want to! Then I overheard Stigg, who I have got with in the past and who always tries something on when he is drunk telling The Boss that he doesn't want to cheat but that its always me, to which the Boss replied that he knew exactly what he meant and that there's 'something about me', I also heard him say that I was definitely worth the risk. I just don't get it! I'm not sure how to take the comments or why he was telling someone to sleep with me.
Later when we were all crammed into Irish's room trying to sleep Stigg curled up next to me and kept trying it on, The Boss was making jokes about us and I was getting pretty annoyed. So I text him telling him he was a twat. His reply was that he was just trying to hide his jealousy and so I told him there was nothing to be jealous of, his reply was a shock,
"All I want to do right now is take you away somewhere and fuck you, whether there is something to be jealous of or not"
It was so hard to resist him after that, but miraculously I did! He knew I wanted to go along with his suggestion we slyly leave but I told him we would both regret it too much the next day. Its the first time I've resisted him, maybe because we were both pretty much sober or because I am actually managing to restrain myself now. Which ever I feel pretty good today both because I resisted and because I feel pretty hot as well when two guys are after me like that. I'm not sure how long I can actually resist The Boss for though, I'm going to need to spend more time with the Boyfriend and less with The Boss to make sure I don't go back to the messy life I had before, however much I want to right now.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Holidays
I'm going on holiday in three weeks but it's not as exciting as it sounds. I am going to Germany and Belgium with my parents and sister. It's not as bad as most people think though, I get on really well with my parents and am very close to my sister so we will all easily spend two weeks together and should have lots of fun. Also, as a history student I am actually going to enjoy being in Belgium and visiting all the WW1 sites. But I would really love to go on a proper holiday this year! I have never been away with a group of friends to another country and more than anything I want to take some friends and go to Spain, or Greece or somewhere similar so we can spend our days on the beach and our nights getting tipsy and dancing. Unfortunately no one can afford to go with me so I'm stuck with Belgium with the parents and spending the rest of my summer in England.
Here's hoping for a sunny English summer!
Here's hoping for a sunny English summer!
Sunday, 7 June 2009
About being a good girlfriend..
I haven't had much to write recently because I'm being good for once and it feels brilliant! I wonder why I have ever cheated when I have such a wonderful boyfriend who loves me more than I could ever have wished for. It is so not worth it, ever. The only downside to this is that I might not have that much to blog about, and I'm wondering if this will become less about sex and more about me in general. I would rather that then to stop all together now though.
So anyway, hopefully my lovely life will be exciting enough for me to keep on writing. If it isn't I will just have to delve into my promiscuous past to bring you some stories.
So anyway, hopefully my lovely life will be exciting enough for me to keep on writing. If it isn't I will just have to delve into my promiscuous past to bring you some stories.
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