Help Wanted

I'm sorry that I haven't written for so long. I could blame it on coming back to uni, having lots of work to do and spending too much time getting drunk. But the real reason is because this blog had made me see myself through the eyes of someone else and I didn't like it. I saw a selfish little girl who wanted the best of all the worlds and expected never to get caught. Yet still I didn't stop. Last week I kissed the Boss again and this time my world fell apart. His girlfriend told the Boyfriend. And now I need your help. He knows everything, all about the Boss, the Footballer and Stigg. Yet amazingly he hasn't ended things. In the past week since he found out I have seen him also every night, I have picked him up at 5am from work, stayed the night with him. We have had sex three times and a nice family dinner with his Mum and sister.

but the conversation is stilted, he doesn't touch me at all and we haven't kissed in a week. He told me he still loves me and I have realised exactly how much he means to me. I will do anything to sort things out. Already I have cut myself off completely from the Boss, deleted his number, told him never to text me again and deleted him as a friend on Facebook (he is in the process of being fired too so I won't even have to see him in work). I am trying to fin a new job anyway, I have stopped going out and I am doing everything the Boyfriend asks.

The problem is he says although I keep telling him that I love him that I don't act that way. I go to his house, get in bed and hardly talk. I didn't know what he wanted from me but it turns out he does want affection. I just don't know how to give it without looking like it is forced or seeming to act normal an as if everything is all behind us when it so clearly isn't.

How do I show him how serious I am about this? Please help me!