Me

So I suppose that for my first blog i should explain a bit about myself: I am studying English and History at university, a subject that requires little time in lectures but a huge amount of time reading. Which i love because it means i can spend the majority of my working time in bed. I am not single, i have been with my boyfriend for three years but last September he went away to Uni, completely changing the whole relationship. I am still undecided if it's for better or for worse. Unlike most people i love my job, although if a few key people no longer worked there i don't think i would either. I try and go out atleast three times a week, if my bank balance allows it and love to dance.

Now the boring introductions are over with i will get to the nitty gritty. Basically, i am a selfish bitch. I know this. and although nobody else will tell me so they know it too. I have been sleeping with one of my best friends boyfriends.

The man in question is also my boss and he is everything the boyfriend isn't. He isn't very attractive, he is arrogant, vain, cocky and a womanizer. He often makes me so mad i could scream and i believe he is one of the most hypocrytical people i have ever met. The problem is that he is a major flirt, in the most obvious way. Everyone has met the type, its typical schoolyard stuff. He punches me as he walks past, winks at me, and texts me cheeky messages. The problem is, he is this way with all the girls. I know this, im not an idiot. I am in no way special but, then again, neither is he. I just like the way he makes me feels wanted, even while he is making me feel totally unwanted. When he walks past me and pinches my ass i secretly feel really turned on. When he texts me, even just to say hi, i find it impossible not to reply.

When i say im sleeping with him, i actually mean have slept with him four times, in about two years. My friend, his girlfriend, knows about two of these times. One was before they were together. One was whilst they were together. I have been forgivven. And still i continue. The Boyfriend is perfect and loves me, whenever i am with him or think about him i vow to stop flirting with the Boss, but once i am out with him, particularly if i'm drinking i become uncontrollable and send those ridiculous drunkern messages that i regret the second my hangover kicks in.

Is it just me who is attracted to men like this? Who are totally wrong, who you know you will never want to be with and could possibly ruin everything for you?

I need to change...it's time to sort this mess of a life out.