Single

We broke up. I think it was inevitable to be honest. I obviously wasn't fully involved like I should have been and after he found out about the Boss the (ex) Boyfriend couldn't forgive me. We broke up two weeks ago and I think that is the last that you or I are going to hear about him. It was a very amicable break up and we haven't been in contact since. We had nothing in common so I am unlikely to bump into him anywhere and I am definitely not interested in getting back with him. So now, this blog, is about the newly single me enjoying the last few months of uni as a single girl. Much more exciting, I'm sure you will agree.

Since the break up I have already been sampling whats out there. What better way to get over someone?! And lucky me, a few interested guys have come out of the woodwork since I became single. Making me feel very popular, confident and very excited. In just the two weeks since I became single I have slept with two people. The first, Lines, is the good friend of a friend I live with who is always great fun and who I knew liked me. We had one fun night together which ended up with us fucking in a car outside my halls. I wish I could remember more of it but luckily he is coming up at the beginning of March and has been texting me telling me how excited he is to see me again. Without a doubt I will get the chance to sleep with him and remember it this time.

I have also slept with some one I live with, Scrum has a gorgeous muscley rugby body and is going far as a rugby player. He lives in my block so I didn't want anything to happen in case it made things awkward. I soon changed my mind though and we slept together after a drunken night out on Friday. I though that was the end of it but last night we watched a film together with some of the guys and afterwards they all left and I stayed, one thing led to another, you know how it works.

So, life is good. I am having loads of fun. And I will keep you updated with my new and interesting life.

Name Change

I am wondering about changing the title of this blog because this isn't who I am anymore. The problem is, Confessions of a Faithful Girlfriend is not very intriguing.

Any ideas?

I have begun this post so many times over the past month but every time I have deleted it again and forgotten about it. For me, this blog represents a lot about me that I don't like and am trying to put behind me. I toyed with the idea of deleting it but have decided to keep writing instead, although I hate what I have done I can't erase my past so I am going to update you all instead.

The Boyfriend and I are still together and things are getting better. Although we aren't seeing much of each other because of all the uni work I have to do and him having a new job we are managing okay. There have been lots of arguments but I think things will work themselves out.

As for the Boss, I haven't even spoken to him since the day it all came out, which is nearly two months now. Luckily (for me) he was fired just after so I didn't have to leave my job which I would have had to otherwise, I told him not to text me any more, deleted his number, and deleted him as a friend on Facebook. I haven't seen him since we kissed. It is brilliant, sometimes I miss how things used to be. I don't go to the places I used to go out drinking, in fact I have only been drunk once since too. But my relationship is much stronger now I am no longer thinking about him.

So even though I regret all the pain that has been caused and constantly wish I could go back to how things used to be with the Boyfriend, I know that if we can get through this everything will be so much better.

Help Wanted

I'm sorry that I haven't written for so long. I could blame it on coming back to uni, having lots of work to do and spending too much time getting drunk. But the real reason is because this blog had made me see myself through the eyes of someone else and I didn't like it. I saw a selfish little girl who wanted the best of all the worlds and expected never to get caught. Yet still I didn't stop. Last week I kissed the Boss again and this time my world fell apart. His girlfriend told the Boyfriend. And now I need your help. He knows everything, all about the Boss, the Footballer and Stigg. Yet amazingly he hasn't ended things. In the past week since he found out I have seen him also every night, I have picked him up at 5am from work, stayed the night with him. We have had sex three times and a nice family dinner with his Mum and sister.

but the conversation is stilted, he doesn't touch me at all and we haven't kissed in a week. He told me he still loves me and I have realised exactly how much he means to me. I will do anything to sort things out. Already I have cut myself off completely from the Boss, deleted his number, told him never to text me again and deleted him as a friend on Facebook (he is in the process of being fired too so I won't even have to see him in work). I am trying to fin a new job anyway, I have stopped going out and I am doing everything the Boyfriend asks.

The problem is he says although I keep telling him that I love him that I don't act that way. I go to his house, get in bed and hardly talk. I didn't know what he wanted from me but it turns out he does want affection. I just don't know how to give it without looking like it is forced or seeming to act normal an as if everything is all behind us when it so clearly isn't.

How do I show him how serious I am about this? Please help me!

Love: My Uni

I'm going back to uni this weekend and I am seriously excited. After living at home last year while all my friends lived together in houses I can't wait to get right back into the heart of things. My uni is a campus uni and everything is all squished together in the countryside surrounded by fields and woods. I always thought I wanted to go to a uni in the middle of a big city and my first choice was The University of Liverpool but I decided that I might not get the grades I needed to get my place and so put my current uni down as my first choice instead. It turns out I did get the right results but I definitely chose the right uni for me. I love the fact that when I go to my Student Union with my group of friends between us we will know almost everybody there. That I could go up to anybody at anytime on campus and get a friendly response. I love that we have traditions such as the 'Rave in the Woods' and the party at House 69 that have been held for years and will continue to be held long after I leave. I love that from my room at uni this year I will be able to see my lecture halls, the Student Union and the football fields. I love that we have 13bars on campus that are all non-profit organisations and so give us the cheapest drinks and the best entertainment. And most of all, I love that I have met the best of friends there and that we are all going to be living together this year like one big happy family.

The Big O

I had been having sexual relationships for a long time before I had my first orgasm. I touched my first penis at 13 and the favour was soon returned. It was in a tent in a garden at a party full of my friends and his who all knew exactly what was going on inside our tent. Although I have only slept with 5 and a half people (I know its cheating but I just can't bring myself to count The Footballer in my 'magic number').

I can remember rubbing a large variety of different objects against myself when I was very young (pencils, hairbands and teddies anyone?!) because it felt good. But I was far too young to understand why. When I did understand a bit more I spent some time feeling disgusted with myself and like I was doing something very wrong, although I didn't stop. But after all these MANY years of masturbating I still hadn't experienced my first orgasm until about a year ago.

I never realised how much I was missing.

Since I have learnt how to make myself orgasm I have managed to steer the Boyfriend in that direction too. I pains me to admit that I used to fake it ALL the time with him, but when we first got together I was only 17 and naive and he was 21 and way more experienced than me (although definitely not as experienced as he had me believe). Although I never have orgasms from penetration alone that doesn't matter to me in the slightest.

Incidentally, the Boss has never given me an orgasm. In fact the sex is not as good as it is with the Boyfriend. But it makes no difference.

Failed

So when I said last week that after finding out what the Boyfriend did I was never going to cheat again I really did mean it. But I didn't expect to have an opportunity for a fantastic night with the Boss.

My parents away away at the moment which mean free house and on Saturday I had The Boss and 2 other guys over for some drinks for something to do. The Boss was actually the first person I spoke to about the Boyfriends cheating and when I told him I was never cheating again he told me there was no way I would manage it. As soon as I invited him over on Saturday he said
"This is my chance to prove you haven't stopped cheating" and that with a bit of Southern Comfort down me he knew I would fail. He even bought the bottle for us to share. The whole night was full of funny and interesting banter and I was really enjoying myself. Eventually it ended up just the two of us, very drunk on Southern Comfort having a fumble in my bed.

But that wasn't the best part, when we woke up the next day with massive headaches and morning breath we stayed in bed for hours. At first we were just having a laugh and moaning about our hangovers, he kept laughing at me saying I failed.

"Failed, failed, failed failed" then he kissed me, "failed". Then he kissed me some more. We spent the next two hours just kissing and cuddling and holding hands. He kept kissing me on the cheek, the forehead, and affectionately biting my nose then kissing it. It was brilliant. And so totally confusing.

But then last night we all went out and he pretty much ignored me all night. Apart from telling me not to make him jealous when I was chatting with Stigg and having a go at me when I was getting my other Boss to buy me drinks.

As is always the way after the initial couple of days of feeling great and constantly reliving the moment now I feel like crap. Not guilty though.