I made my decision over the past week and it was inevitable I suppose that this was that I didn't want to be with the Boyfriend anymore. So last night I told him how I felt. I knew it would be hard but it was so terrible I just couldn't go through with it. It was horrible how much i upset him, he is usually so strong. But when he begged me to try for longer saying nobody would ever love me like he does I just couldn't leave. I stayed the night with him and even though it was nice I still think I was right in the first place.
I promised him a few more weeks so I will try and have an open mind and see what happens over these few weeks, but he knows now that he doesn't make me happy anymore and I think this is the beginning of the end.
This whole thing makes me really sad but also kind of excited about the life i can have afterwards. I had another taster of this life on Friday night and it made me so eager for more. It was a big night that started with watching 'Comic Relief' but ended with the best party I have ever been to, it was like an episode of 'Skins', a house full to bursting, with a DJ in every room, a 'chill out room' for people smoking spliffs. It was a brilliant party. What made it even better was the appearance of The footballer who showed up because I told him I was there and an enormous amount of attention was lavished upon me by the friend of one of my Uni mates who had come up for the night. It made me feel so confident and brilliant.
I will keep you updated on what happens with the Boyfriend and there may be more to tell after tonight which is a big night out for my friends birthday.
Monday, 16 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
The Footballer
As well as sleeping with the Boss on a not so regular basis for the past two years there have been a few times during my time with the boyfriend that i have gone out, got drunk and kissed other people. Sometimes people i know, other times i have just pulled boys onto the dance floor for someone to make out with. The one thing that links all these things together is that i have only ever got with other people in front of the Boss, to make him jealous.
On my birthday night out one of the random guys i pulled happened to go to my university. In a moment of madness i gave him my number and for a week after we swapped messages and spoke on facebook. He is a footballer with the best body I have ever had the chance to get up close and personal with. On Wednesday I went to my students union and ended up in his flat, having sex with someone that wasn't the Boss or Boyfriend in three years. I freaked. I pushed him away and ran. At the time it felt like the right thing to do and after some explaining he is fine with me and I got away with my conscience.
But now i find myself wondering what it would have been like if i had stayed and wondering if i will get the chance to make it up to him. I want to fuck that footballer. And i really want my head to sort itself out, so I can decide whether i really want to be in my relationship.
On my birthday night out one of the random guys i pulled happened to go to my university. In a moment of madness i gave him my number and for a week after we swapped messages and spoke on facebook. He is a footballer with the best body I have ever had the chance to get up close and personal with. On Wednesday I went to my students union and ended up in his flat, having sex with someone that wasn't the Boss or Boyfriend in three years. I freaked. I pushed him away and ran. At the time it felt like the right thing to do and after some explaining he is fine with me and I got away with my conscience.
But now i find myself wondering what it would have been like if i had stayed and wondering if i will get the chance to make it up to him. I want to fuck that footballer. And i really want my head to sort itself out, so I can decide whether i really want to be in my relationship.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Sex and Texts
I've done it again. Twice.
Friday night was probably the stupidest thing we have done so far. After we left a club at 3.30am we took a taxi back to mine and spent an hour rolling around on the floor of the lounge before he got a taxi back to his where his girlfriend was waiting for him. Took him a lot of lies to explain why it took him and hour and a half to make the 15 minute trip home but boy was it worth it.
Last night was better. I went out with several lads from work and I was the only girl, it was inevitable really that something would happen and he seemed to get jealous that i was dancing a flirting with my other boss (maybe its men with power that do it for me?) Its ridiculous I know but I did love that he was jealous. We actually spent most of the night arguing but once we had left the pub we had one of our very deep conversations where we talked about what would happen if we were single. I don't quite know how but I ended up going back with him. It was a marathon session and absolutely brilliant.
Today we exchanged messages:
"You need to stop being so much fun"
"Never going to happen. You will just have to stop being around me if you can't control yourself"
"I do control myself. If I didn't you would be in for it. You know you bring the bad out in me, the things I wanted to do to you..."
That message makes me seriously horny. If only his follow up text hadn't said that we really needed to stop now. Thats all part of the fun though, if we knew that these things were going to happen I doubt it would be so exciting. We say no more but I know I'm hoping not to have to wait too long until i get him again.
Friday night was probably the stupidest thing we have done so far. After we left a club at 3.30am we took a taxi back to mine and spent an hour rolling around on the floor of the lounge before he got a taxi back to his where his girlfriend was waiting for him. Took him a lot of lies to explain why it took him and hour and a half to make the 15 minute trip home but boy was it worth it.
Last night was better. I went out with several lads from work and I was the only girl, it was inevitable really that something would happen and he seemed to get jealous that i was dancing a flirting with my other boss (maybe its men with power that do it for me?) Its ridiculous I know but I did love that he was jealous. We actually spent most of the night arguing but once we had left the pub we had one of our very deep conversations where we talked about what would happen if we were single. I don't quite know how but I ended up going back with him. It was a marathon session and absolutely brilliant.
Today we exchanged messages:
"You need to stop being so much fun"
"Never going to happen. You will just have to stop being around me if you can't control yourself"
"I do control myself. If I didn't you would be in for it. You know you bring the bad out in me, the things I wanted to do to you..."
That message makes me seriously horny. If only his follow up text hadn't said that we really needed to stop now. Thats all part of the fun though, if we knew that these things were going to happen I doubt it would be so exciting. We say no more but I know I'm hoping not to have to wait too long until i get him again.
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