The nearly ex-boyfriend

I made my decision over the past week and it was inevitable I suppose that this was that I didn't want to be with the Boyfriend anymore. So last night I told him how I felt. I knew it would be hard but it was so terrible I just couldn't go through with it. It was horrible how much i upset him, he is usually so strong. But when he begged me to try for longer saying nobody would ever love me like he does I just couldn't leave. I stayed the night with him and even though it was nice I still think I was right in the first place.
I promised him a few more weeks so I will try and have an open mind and see what happens over these few weeks, but he knows now that he doesn't make me happy anymore and I think this is the beginning of the end.

This whole thing makes me really sad but also kind of excited about the life i can have afterwards. I had another taster of this life on Friday night and it made me so eager for more. It was a big night that started with watching 'Comic Relief' but ended with the best party I have ever been to, it was like an episode of 'Skins', a house full to bursting, with a DJ in every room, a 'chill out room' for people smoking spliffs. It was a brilliant party. What made it even better was the appearance of The footballer who showed up because I told him I was there and an enormous amount of attention was lavished upon me by the friend of one of my Uni mates who had come up for the night. It made me feel so confident and brilliant.

I will keep you updated on what happens with the Boyfriend and there may be more to tell after tonight which is a big night out for my friends birthday.

The Footballer

As well as sleeping with the Boss on a not so regular basis for the past two years there have been a few times during my time with the boyfriend that i have gone out, got drunk and kissed other people. Sometimes people i know, other times i have just pulled boys onto the dance floor for someone to make out with. The one thing that links all these things together is that i have only ever got with other people in front of the Boss, to make him jealous.

On my birthday night out one of the random guys i pulled happened to go to my university. In a moment of madness i gave him my number and for a week after we swapped messages and spoke on facebook. He is a footballer with the best body I have ever had the chance to get up close and personal with. On Wednesday I went to my students union and ended up in his flat, having sex with someone that wasn't the Boss or Boyfriend in three years. I freaked. I pushed him away and ran. At the time it felt like the right thing to do and after some explaining he is fine with me and I got away with my conscience.

But now i find myself wondering what it would have been like if i had stayed and wondering if i will get the chance to make it up to him. I want to fuck that footballer. And i really want my head to sort itself out, so I can decide whether i really want to be in my relationship.