I text the Boss again the other night. I was very drunk, he was sober. I told him that I really like him and that I hate it when he tells me that he is jealous of me and Stigg. He said that its because he is jealous but why did I hate it. So I said "Because I want you not him" to which he replied
"You shouldn't just settle with Stigg you know"
In my very drunken state I replied with something ridiculous but reading over the texts the next day I realised that he could have meant something much more, does he want me?
He was completely sober, so it wasn't a drunk thing for him. He spent all of the next day at work teasing me but it was the playful banter that I love between us.
He is having lots of problems with Claire at the moment, separate bedrooms. So maybe he just wanted some attention. And even if he did like me its not like I could or would do anything about it. Nothing has happened between us in ages, I just miss that buzz. Getting with him isn't like getting with anyone else. Its far more exciting.
I don't know what to think.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Friday, 21 August 2009
That Girl
I have just finished reading 'Frenemies' by Megan Crane, my mum picked it up from the library for me as a bit of light reading for a break from researching my dissertation. I turned out to be utterly brilliant, I started reading it late last night and have just finished it at 1.02 pm, I didn't even stop for breakfast. The protagonist Gus, a 29 year old living in Boston, reminded me of myself in a way no other character ever has before.
There was one part of the novel that really got me thinking, Gus had many issues with a long standing friend who steals her boyfriend. This friend is That Girl, I'm sure every girl knows who that is, the one girl who we think is amazing, who is nothing like we are but everything we want to be. I have had several That Girls in my life who I have had major girl crushes on. I will spend ages looking at their pictures on Facebook and wishing I had their figure, their ability to get the guys I wish I could get and even in extreme moments thinking about taking up smoking so that I can look as 'cool' as they do.
In 'Frenemies' it turns out that That Girl thinks that Gus is in fact also That Girl, so what if those girls in my life feel that way about me? Or, because I'm sure they hardly even know I exist maybe other girls want to be like me. I'm sure nobody wants to look like me, although I think I can look quite pretty and my figure is quite curvy (read: wobbly) there are lots of people who are much more gorgeous then me. The Boss once told me that I am ugly, but have a great personality and that that makes me ok. I know he doesn't think that I am ugly, not only because he has slept with me several times but because he has told my friends that I'm hot. But I actually agree with him about the great personality, its not that often that I get lots of attention from guys when I am out, but I have had and still have quite a few friends who have crushes on me. At the moment there is Stigg and a friend from school who is getting quite full on. The point is, the book made me look at myself a realise that I don't need to diet and wear tiny skirts to be happy, I am happy in who I am and because of that other people see my confidence and I become more attractive to them.
I ma sure that just by being who I am I am already somebodies That Girl and who knows, maybe its somebody that I already have a girl crush.
There was one part of the novel that really got me thinking, Gus had many issues with a long standing friend who steals her boyfriend. This friend is That Girl, I'm sure every girl knows who that is, the one girl who we think is amazing, who is nothing like we are but everything we want to be. I have had several That Girls in my life who I have had major girl crushes on. I will spend ages looking at their pictures on Facebook and wishing I had their figure, their ability to get the guys I wish I could get and even in extreme moments thinking about taking up smoking so that I can look as 'cool' as they do.
In 'Frenemies' it turns out that That Girl thinks that Gus is in fact also That Girl, so what if those girls in my life feel that way about me? Or, because I'm sure they hardly even know I exist maybe other girls want to be like me. I'm sure nobody wants to look like me, although I think I can look quite pretty and my figure is quite curvy (read: wobbly) there are lots of people who are much more gorgeous then me. The Boss once told me that I am ugly, but have a great personality and that that makes me ok. I know he doesn't think that I am ugly, not only because he has slept with me several times but because he has told my friends that I'm hot. But I actually agree with him about the great personality, its not that often that I get lots of attention from guys when I am out, but I have had and still have quite a few friends who have crushes on me. At the moment there is Stigg and a friend from school who is getting quite full on. The point is, the book made me look at myself a realise that I don't need to diet and wear tiny skirts to be happy, I am happy in who I am and because of that other people see my confidence and I become more attractive to them.
I ma sure that just by being who I am I am already somebodies That Girl and who knows, maybe its somebody that I already have a girl crush.
Thursday, 20 August 2009
How I Got This Bruise..
As he drove me home after a great night out I stroked his leg idly like I often do in the car. After a while my hand started to wander further up the inside of his thigh until I could feel that he was already hard for me, I started gently stroking without saying a word or even looking at him. He made no sign that anything was happening until he suddenly swung the car off the road into a deserted country lane and turned off the engine. We were immediately all over each other, kissing passionately and grabbing at each others clothes. Pulling his trousers off I bent over with my naked ass against the window to suck hungrily on his cock until I couldn't wait any longer. Reclining his chair as far as it would go I straddled him and fucked him hard. Then he got out of the car and turned me around so I was kneeling on the drivers seat as he stood naked outside the car and took me from behind, not even stopping when another car drove past bathing us in the light of its headlights. Afterwards as we drove home both still half naked he used one hand to drive and the other to make me orgasm time and time again until we finally pulled up to his house where he took me upstairs gave me one last orgasm with his amazing tongue.
At some point during this event I got a large bruise on my right knee, when I touch it I can feel not just a throbbing pain but also the excitement and pleasure of one of the best sex sessions I have ever had. He is going away this weekend but I will be able to relive our night just with a small amount of pressure on my right knee... and maybe a little more on my clit.
At some point during this event I got a large bruise on my right knee, when I touch it I can feel not just a throbbing pain but also the excitement and pleasure of one of the best sex sessions I have ever had. He is going away this weekend but I will be able to relive our night just with a small amount of pressure on my right knee... and maybe a little more on my clit.
Thursday, 13 August 2009
HNT???
I am wondering about doing a HNT soon...
I have been looking at as many different ones as I can and trying to decide if I'm really going to do it and I think I will give it a try.
The only pictures I have taken of myself before have been for people I was fucking and completely trusted. Therefore probably a little too neked for what I want. I am going to buy some new underwear tomorrow and see what I can do... I might even ask The Boyfriend to take the pictures (without actually telling him why of course!) to make it a little more fun...
I have been looking at as many different ones as I can and trying to decide if I'm really going to do it and I think I will give it a try.
The only pictures I have taken of myself before have been for people I was fucking and completely trusted. Therefore probably a little too neked for what I want. I am going to buy some new underwear tomorrow and see what I can do... I might even ask The Boyfriend to take the pictures (without actually telling him why of course!) to make it a little more fun...
Coming or Going?
"I never know where I am with you, whether I am coming or going.."
What the hell does this message mean? I received it from the boss yesterday after some messages just about work. In the messages before this he asked me if I was being an ass and my reply was
"No, would I ever?!"
Meant as a joke and to lighten the conversation a bit because I had been a bit annoyed at him. It was a few hours later when I received this, just when I was falling asleep. I didn't reply because I didn't know how too.
What the hell does this message mean? I received it from the boss yesterday after some messages just about work. In the messages before this he asked me if I was being an ass and my reply was
"No, would I ever?!"
Meant as a joke and to lighten the conversation a bit because I had been a bit annoyed at him. It was a few hours later when I received this, just when I was falling asleep. I didn't reply because I didn't know how too.
Saturday, 1 August 2009
National Friendship Day
Its National Friendship day tomorrow which is making me think a lot about my friends. I love them all to pieces and I am good friends with them all, but I haven't got one best friend who I tell everything to do. Someone who will always be there for me, who would drop everything to bring me ice cream if I was upset, who would never judge me for my mistakes, who I would miss if I didn't see her every single day and who I would talk on the phone too every spare second I had.
I had that once at school but she became part of the 'popular' crowd of bitches and turned on me. She was my bestest friend for 3 years and suddenly she didn't want to know anymore. She took lots of my other friends with her and I was left devastated. I lot of my other friend who I was never as close to really rallied round and I finished school very happy with some great friends. But since going to uni we have all drifted apart.
Now I have my uni friends, who are all amazing but none of them are the best friend I want. Then there are my work friends, but the turnover is so big because when people leave we usually don't really see each other any more.
I'm scared I am getting too old now to make that kind of friend, my mum met her best friend on their first day at primary school age 5, and they have been best friends ever since. What if I never have that someone to grow up with, who will know every secret I ever had and love me anyway.
I had that once at school but she became part of the 'popular' crowd of bitches and turned on me. She was my bestest friend for 3 years and suddenly she didn't want to know anymore. She took lots of my other friends with her and I was left devastated. I lot of my other friend who I was never as close to really rallied round and I finished school very happy with some great friends. But since going to uni we have all drifted apart.
Now I have my uni friends, who are all amazing but none of them are the best friend I want. Then there are my work friends, but the turnover is so big because when people leave we usually don't really see each other any more.
I'm scared I am getting too old now to make that kind of friend, my mum met her best friend on their first day at primary school age 5, and they have been best friends ever since. What if I never have that someone to grow up with, who will know every secret I ever had and love me anyway.
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